


Shonen Dump: Ranma 1/2

by InspiredNerd



Series: SHONEN DUMP! [5]
Category: Ranma 1/2
Genre: Bathroom Humor, Humor, bathroom is full, bathroom policing is stupid, dump, fighting over food, laxative, poo - Freeform, poop, poop humor, really gotta go, shonen dump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:09:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24919609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InspiredNerd/pseuds/InspiredNerd
Summary: Shampoo's plan to get Akane away from Ranma goes sideways, when Ryoga and Ranma end up eating a pork bun with a predictably special ingredient. After that, what do you think they both really have to do?
Series: SHONEN DUMP! [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1788031





	Shonen Dump: Ranma 1/2

As thunder roared overhead, Akane Tendo and Ranma Saotome hurried into the nearest building they could. They were on their way to meet some school friends at a spring festival on a Sunday afternoon, and Ranma desperately did not want to have to show up as a girl. As fate would (and usually does) have it, the first place they stopped in was Cat Café. The restaurant was nearly empty, only one elderly patron sat at a table in the back, so Shampoo took the opportunity to abandon her work and shower attention on Ranma.   
“Oh, Ranma! Welcome welcome, I so so happy to see you! Shampoo make extra-special rainy-day hot pork bun for you, Ranma dear!” She bowed low, offering a covered platter. Ranma's mouth was watering at the smell.  
“Not so fast.” Akane stepped between Ranma and Shampoo. “We're on our way to the festival for snacks and lunch, do you really want to spoil your appetite here? She's always making extra buns or something for 'special just for you,' but it's probably just kitchen leftovers she has to throw out anyways!”   
“Oh, Akane always so rude, even when I make extra-special bun for her, too.” Shampoo lifted the lid over the tray, displaying two clearly custom made buns, decorated with sauce, one depicting Ranma, the other Akane. “This extra-special bun look like it made just for you or like icky leftovers like jealous Akane say?” Shampoo punctuated her remark with a too-too sweet smile.   
Before Akane could even look embarrassed, Ranma had already eaten the bun resembling himself. Akane's head fell and she turned towards the door. “Let's get going! You can dry off at the festival as a girl for all I care!” She grumbled.   
“Oh come on, Akane, turning it down just 'cuz it's from Shampoo? How petty. I suppose I may was well eat it, then.” Ranma was about to do so when the door swung open and Ryoga Hibiki walked in. Of course his umbrella had kept him dry. Before he even said hello, his eyes fell upon the cute little pork bun depicting Akane's face.   
“Ah! What is that? Its the most beautiful bun I've ever seen! It looks just like,” Finally noticing that Akane was standing right there, he panicked, changing his words as usual, unable to admit his crush. “Just like my babysitter back when I was a kid, yep, that's it!”   
While Ranma rolled his eyes and Shampoo giggled, Akane shrugged. “Well, it is supposed to be me, but you can have it if you want. I'm saving my appetite for festival food. “   
“A gift from Akane? For me?” While Ryoga's eyes sparkled, Ranma was about to take his first bite. “Unhand Akane's bun, Ranma Saotome!” The fight was fast and frantic, but by the end both boys were on the floor, face to face, each chewing half of the bun apart.   
“Ranma you idiot! You're always ruining my day fighting over something stupid! I wish I was at the festival now, instead of hanging out with you here! Ryoga, can I borrow your umbrella?”  
“Muv hourse Afame!” Ryoga nodded affirmation since his words were garbled by the food still in his mouth, even as he tried to wrestle the last crumbs away from Ranma.   
“Hooray!” Though Shampoo, “My plan to make annoying Akane go away and get Ranma all to self has worked! I didn't even need for Akane to eat extra-special poo-poo medicine in bun! Wait, oh no, darling Ranma eat half that bun! Ai-Ya!”  
Still, she seized the moment to seize Ranma, helping him up from the floor with as much touching as possible. “Hey, lay off, we're done fighting!” Ranma felt a horrible rumble below his stomach, and he noticed Ryoga was already opening the door to the men's bathroom.   
“Oh no! Shampoo, please tell me that isn't the only bathroom you've got!” He clenched his guts to hold in the oncoming evacuation.   
“Oh dear Ranma, please, if is emergency, use ladies' room, is no trouble!” But as Shampoo walked him towards the door, the one elderly customer stood in angry protestation.   
“He can't go in there! How dare you even suggest such an improper thing!” The old lady burst into a tirade of obnoxious bathroom-gender-policing pseudo-logic, escalating into straight hyperbole about society crumbling into murderous cannibalistic packs because some guy took a shit in a women's' toilet.   
“I don't have time for this!” Ranma was always a man to do what must be done, and he grabbed a glass of water from the customer's table and splashed it over his head, transforming his body into a girl's body that aside from the sex, figure and red hair, was identical to his male body. “Now let me in, I've got to take a -”   
But before he could speak the titular series catch-phrase, the old lady had stepped into the bathroom herself! “That water splashed on me, I must re-apply my makeup now or people will guess my real age!” She shrieked from behind the locked door.   
“Noooooooooooo!” Ranma shouted, so loud he didn't hear the disgusting noises from the men's room. “Ryoga, how you doing in there, buddy?”   
“IT'S GONNA BE A MINUTE!”  
The old lady was taking even longer. Shampoo gave Ranma the most comfortable seat and a glass of cold water, but nothing could calm the rage in his (uh, her?) bowels. Ranma clenched with everything he (she?) could muster! The two doors opened at the same time, and even as Ranma rushed to the men's bathroom, the cranky old lady hollered in protest.  
“Young lady, what do you THINK you are about to do!?”   
“Shut it you fossil!” Ranma roared, while Ryoga dove out of the way so Ranma could bolt into the bathroom. Ranma continued speaking, even while closing the door, dropping trow and doing the deed. “I may have a girl's body but I'm really a boy who needs to drop an unstoppable …;” the pause was filled by a sound far nastier than even Ryoga's previous deposit, “...SHONEN DUMP!”

**Author's Note:**

> POO BE CONTINUED!!! Next episode of SHONEN DUMP, expect more juvenile shit-stories parodying other shonen manga, anime, and hell, maybe even some video games or literature, too. No fictitious young man is safe. Remember, just 'cause they do it 'off camera,' all your favorite characters poop. Shonen characters sometimes have to drop everything to drop a SHONEN DUMP!


End file.
